106: The Wisdom of Aging As a Childless Woman

Menopause is a huge transformational time for women and another topic that we don’t talk about enough.  Women may joke about their memory, or hot flashes or complain about heavy periods.  But they don’t talk about the deep stuff.  The vulnerable stuff.  Or the scary stuff. 

There is SO much going on for women during perimenopause and midlife, and childless women experience it, quite often, right alongside trying to start a family before it’s too late.   That, to me, adds a whole other element. 

In this solo episode, I shed light on:

• what childless women experience that is different from the norm
• why we want to hold onto our youth even more than a mother might
• how to defy societal conditioning and move through this period in your life with joy

DM me "AGING" on Instagram @sherijohnsoncoaching if you are ready to let go of societal norms so you can love your childless midlife.

Where to find Sheri:
Instagram: @sherijohnsoncoaching
Website: sherijohnson.ca

Where to find Sheri:
Instagram: @sherijohnsoncoaching
Website: sherijohnson.ca

Transcript

Thank You a topic that's been coming up a lot in the Women of Worth program with my clients is aging aging specifically as a childless woman and I don't mean the fear about who's going to take care of us when we get old.  I've talked about that another podcast I've talked about that with other guests and I don't want to talk about that here today.

I want to discuss today is really around this feeling of being irrelevant or becoming irrelevant as we age, because let's be honest, in Western society, at least the older you get, the less relevant you become.

It seems like the only role that's worthy of something in the eyes of our Western society is the grandmother.

And when you don't get to be that, because you don't have children, well, then what? How do you become a person of value?

How do you have worth? So let's unpack this whole aging thing as a woman without kids in today's episode.

Stay tuned. 

Welcome to the Awakening Worth Podcast. Welcome. to my current listeners, new listeners. I'm so glad you're here.

So today, we are embracing the wisdom of aging and particularly focusing on the unique journey of aging as a childless woman.

I'm going to break down exactly why aging has this extra layer of fear and maybe even dread for a childless woman and how to overcome that.

So I think that most women experience apprehension around aging. Women, all women, maybe I'm sure men do too, but when I think about what women are up against, whether they are mothers or not, media, advertising, hallmark cards will joke about aging.

It's like aging is a bad thing. Youth is valuable and worthy and old is not. So, we're up against a lot, this is really deeply ingrained in Western society, know, think of all of the gosh, we're bombarded with this messaging.

And by the way, in some cultures, I know that elders are still revered. this may not apply to you in your culture.

In some cultures, the elderly, the, you know, their wisdom is honored, their knowledge is sought out by the younger people, their stories are relevant, and they might even live with their children when they get older instead of in seniors' homes.

Not so much in Western culture. Over here in North America, we receive messaging all day long. That tells us to buy products that will make us appear younger.

We start getting the hallmark cards, as I said, that joke about how we're over the hill. and it's all downhill from here.

People joke about memory loss and they talk about their aches and pains and the physical decline as though it's normal and we should expect it.

And I'm not convinced that that's actually true. We also see it among celebrities. I was just looking at a picture of someone today that really not many women do know in Hollywood who haven't had worked on on their faces.

And you can tell when they've had work done. And it's all in an effort to remain beautiful and youthful.

And I think it's different for men. They're not bombarded with all of these anti-aging beauty products. They're not bombarded with the messaging in the same way that we are.

Gray hair becomes distinguished for them. The only thing you might hear might see is that some products for hair loss.

But then there's also lots of men who sort of embrace that as well, even in Hollywood, know, think of Woody Harrelson and Bruce Willis.

So I think it is different between in messaging and the societal beliefs about women specifically. Petriarchy, pronatalism tells us that when a woman is no longer able to bear children, she is no longer worthy.

So on top of that, let's talk about the messages that we as childless women receive. What does the media and advertising and all of that tell us about women aging without kids?

The words that come to my mind are lonely, maybe filled with regret, especially if you're someone who's chosen not to have kids, unfulfilled, maybe someone who only has cats for company, and all the words that used to be powerful words, like hag and crone and spinster, those are all used now with a negative connotation.

Even think of fairy tales, the especially the single aging woman always lives on the edge of town, she's a witch or she's an old hag, or at best, she's the midwife or the medicine woman, but she's still rarely portrayed as beautiful and caring and nurturing.

So this is a lot to overcome. We've internalized this to the extent that some of us don't even realize this level of age of some because that's what it is.

is everywhere. So what do we really want to experience? Well, I want to experience the opposite. What if it were possible to have a rich and fulfilling social and community network and a sense of purpose and empowerment as you age instead of this helplessness that is portrayed for us?

What if we could reframe our whole perception of women without kids as something to be proud of, something to be revered, and as women so purposeful and powerful that we're the ones who change the world as we age?

Wouldn't that be nice? I think the reasons that we haven't experienced this or we haven't embraced this yet is really all about one key thing.

idle beliefs about aging and childless women specifically, all the beliefs about beauty, about relevance, about wisdom, physical ability. What if none of those beliefs were true?

You know, for example, what if this belief that our health naturally declines as we age is a load of there's actually there's lot of research that's actually been done on on remote drives or well even a little bit in the in the blue zones on that Netflix documentary that shows that a lot of the physical decline is as a result of the way that we view ourselves.

And that comes from how society What, what society tells us about ourselves? What if we were able to just put all those stereotypes and beliefs aside?

Because I think that's the biggest block to us actually doing, actually doing this, actually reframing our whole perception of childless women, childless aging women, we buy in, we believe all these societal norms, and surrounding aging and childlessness.

And they're the same beliefs that perpetuate these feelings of inadequacy and loneliness or isolation and uncertainty or maybe even dread about the future.

So unfortunately, what I'm seeing out there in the space in which I operate and do business and coach is that there's

more mistakes than then transformation first I see a lot of seeking validation from external sources so that's the celebrities doing all the things to make their faces look different make them look younger and gosh it makes them look different buying all that anti-aging stuff trying to remain worthy and valuable and relevant by looking younger by endlessly dieting or maybe toggling between dieting and giving up trying to make your body stay young it's it's also trying to conform to societal norms like doing all the things that you're supposed to do and I'm also seeing lots of lamenting the younger years like I wish I wish I had that body that I had when I was 20 I wish I had done things differently I wish I travel more I wish I I wish

which I wish I I should have. That's all living in the past. It's regretting the past. It's lamenting younger years instead of finding joy in the present.

And then the other thing I see is suppressing these fears and insecurities instead of just maybe talking about them.

We don't really talk about this stuff. We joke about it, but we don't have these deeper conversations about it.

So, what I would really love to see people do is tap into what do you, my listener, what do you believe?

Write this down. Because sometimes these concepts are just so abstract, floating around, up in our heads. So, write down.

do you believe about age and beauty and health and and value, connection, community. Write down what you believe about all of those things in general and specifically about yourself and your age and your beauty and your health and your value.

And also write down what do you imagine life will look like as you age? Because a good way to tell what you actually believe your life will look like is to write it down.

Again, sometimes this dread, this feeling of dread is just a feeling. And when you write down what you want your life to look like, or you think your life might look like, it's entirely different from that feeling of dread or worry.

And once you get that out on paper, You'll actually be able to see what it is that you believe, and if it's loneliness and irrelevance, then you'll be able to tell that you've bought into what society has told you.

There's nothing wrong with that if you've written that down, but it's awareness that allows you to change it. So, if you've written down loneliness, irrelevance, sadness, all of those things that society tells you that that childless women feel, then you'll know that that's something that you believe, that you've bought into these societal, ageist beliefs, and then you can change them.

And if you have written those things down, ask yourself, is this really true, if you think it is, then how could you make it untrue?

through for yourself. How could you change the way your future might look? How can you change your present in a way that might impact the way your future looks?

On the other hand, if you've written down, if you've done what I said and you've written some of these things down, if you've written down a life of abundant friendships and fulfillment and creativity and good health, then you have nothing to worry about.

That's exactly what you will create. mean, life throws us curveballs. It's throwing you a curveball now. It did when you, you know, life probably doesn't look the way you thought it would.

And so you're always going to get, you know, things from life that you don't expect that's part of the human experience.

But that doesn't mean you can't create something different than what society. I already expects or what you used to expect for yourself.

The other thing that I would love to see us doing more of is looking within for our own value and sense of self worth.

I've said this before, this is at the, it's really at the crux of so much. You know, the, all of these societal beliefs, they make us feel less worthy.

And so coming up with worthy practices and, and building that self worth real weakening it is really at the heart of it.

And it is a process you can't just snap your fingers and suddenly stop believing what society has programmed in your subconscious mind.

It takes some unraveling. And I've talked about this on prior episodes as well. This, this unraveling is the key part of pillar number two of my purpose beyond parenthood framework and that's what I teach inside the women of worth.

Counteracting the messaging around this relevance and insignificance, it requires some inner work. It requires looking within for validation instead of looking externally.

We have all these measuring sticks that we use to measure our worth, externally to outside things and it's looking inward and redefining your own value and worth and purpose.

Let's redefine purpose. After all, you get to decide whether you believe what society tells us or not. I choose not.

I choose to not believe those things. I choose to nourish my body in ways that will defy the physical

cold decline. I choose to move my body in the same way. I choose to embrace my beauty as I age instead of changing the way I look.

And this takes practice, by the way, again, doesn't just, you can't just snap your fingers and say, okay, I'm embracing my own beauty.

It's a practice. But I'm also choosing to align with what I want and what brings me joy, not what society tells me I'm supposed to do or how I'm supposed to find joy as an aging person.

So if you want that to, if you want to make this choice to not follow societal norms, to break free of that, just send me a DM on Instagram, write the word aging in your DM.

I'm at @sherijohnsoncoaching. I'll link that up in the show notes just in case you want to send me a note.

And yeah, send me that word, aging. And I'll show you how to really defy aging. So that is it for today's episode.

It's kind of a shorter one. I would love to know what you think. There's so much to talk about when it comes to aging.

This is really just kind of a introduction, a little snippet. So you'll probably hear some more from me on this.

But that's it for today. Come back next week for another episode. And thank you so much for being here and listening to my musings about this.

Bye for now.