139: How to Stop Holding Back Your Opinions About Parenting

Do you ever find yourself in a conversation about parenting and,  even though you have advice to share, you’re afraid to speak up because you’re afraid someone will say, ‘You can't possibly understand—you don’t have kids.’

You might feel invisible in family gatherings, stop yourself from contributing to kid-focused discussions, or apologize and add disclaimers before sharing your perspective, like, "I know I don’t have kids, but…’

It's very important that you start speaking up in these situations, and we're going to talk about why in this episode. 

Today's conversation covers a topic that people just don't talk about. It's like an unsaid rule that women without kids don't get to have an opinion about parenting. 

We cover why this is the case, and the underlying reason you stop yourself from voicing your opinion and how to start, without feeling like you don't deserve to have an opinion. 

It all comes down to what I call, The Confidence Code, which is more than just ‘feeling confident’—it’s about showing up with the belief that you belong in every conversation, regardless of whether you have kids or not.

So, if you've ever held back in conversations about kids or parenting, start voicing your opinion with confidence.

And if you are looking to take this 100 steps deeper so you can live with confidence, clarity and joy, the Women of Worth is open for enrolment for the last time at 2023 pricing! 

Send me an email at sheri@sherijohnson.ca with the word CONFIDENCE and I'll send you the info!

Where to find Sheri:
Instagram: @sherijohnsoncoaching
Website: sherijohnson.ca

Transcript

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Sheri Johnson: Today's topic is so good and one that keeps coming up inside of the women of Worth program.

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Sheri Johnson: Do you ever find yourself in a conversation about kids or parenting, and feel like you don't even have a seat at the table.

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Sheri Johnson: Maybe you have strong opinions or advice to share, because, of course we all do, but you're afraid to speak up because you don't want to be judged

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Sheri Johnson: or worse. Maybe even somebody has said this to you. You're afraid someone will say, Well, you don't understand. You don't have kids.

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Sheri Johnson: If you've ever felt like you don't belong in these conversations or like your voice doesn't matter.

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Sheri Johnson: You're not alone today. We're going to talk about the real problem that's actually at the heart of this. All

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Sheri Johnson: the stifling of our voices as childless women. When it comes to topics like parenting, family dynamics and kids.

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Sheri Johnson: we're going to break down the confidence code

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Sheri Johnson: and why it's so important for you to start speaking up in conversations about kids and parenting. Because that's actually important.

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Sheri Johnson: And we're going to talk about why many childless women feel silenced, and how it affects your life.

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Sheri Johnson: and, most importantly, what you can do about it.

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Sheri Johnson: So if you want to hear more about that, then stay tuned.

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Sheri Johnson: welcome back to the awakening worth. Podcast

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Sheri Johnson: I'm so glad that you're here. And I'm so glad that you're here. If you are new to the awakening worth podcast if you are someone who is new to the childless path. You're someone who

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Sheri Johnson: either wanted kids or maybe you were ambivalent about it, or maybe you even chose not to. There's some real gems in here for any woman who doesn't have kids and feels like they don't get to have a say in the conversations about kids and parenting and family dynamics

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Sheri Johnson: so welcome to all of you.

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Sheri Johnson: So let's talk about the actual problem as childless women.

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Sheri Johnson: child-free women. Whatever the case may be we.

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Sheri Johnson: I would say, like fairly often find ourselves in conversations where the topic of kids or parenting comes up. I mean, certainly, my friends talk about their kids a lot.

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Sheri Johnson: But I think the times when we really stifle our voices are for me. It was when

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Sheri Johnson: when parenting, like issues, came up and also

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Sheri Johnson: birth stories. So I have a birth story. I have 3 of them. I had 3 miscarriages. I had 3 births.

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Sheri Johnson: and yet when people were talking about

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Sheri Johnson: the 1st trimester, you know, they were so sick, or their labor pains, or whatever it was. I never felt like I got to contribute to that.

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Sheri Johnson: And let's be honest. I think there's an underlying expectation that

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Sheri Johnson: we don't have a say because we don't have children ourselves.

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Sheri Johnson: and the truth is, I'll say this right up front

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Sheri Johnson: is that you do have a right to voice your opinion.

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Sheri Johnson: even if you don't have kids, whether it's giving advice or offering a perspective.

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Sheri Johnson: or simply just asking questions. Your voice is valid. You have a lens through which you see the world, and that is valid.

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Sheri Johnson: But what I see, and what I hear

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Sheri Johnson: inside of my program is that so many of us hold back?

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Sheri Johnson: I used to, for sure I am.

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Sheri Johnson: I totally did this myself. So you're not alone. If you are doing this

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Sheri Johnson: and we dim our voices, we suppress the thoughts

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Sheri Johnson: remain silent in these moments, because we're afraid of being dismissed or understood

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Sheri Johnson: or worried that parents are going to say, Well, you don't get it.

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Sheri Johnson: You don't have kids. So how can you possibly understand?

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Sheri Johnson: I was actually having a conversation with one of my clients last week.

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Sheri Johnson: where she was telling me about a conversation just like this, and this the she was the conversation that she was speaking about was about older children taking care of younger siblings.

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Sheri Johnson: and my client as someone who is 10 years older than her younger siblings.

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Sheri Johnson: This was something she grew up with as an expectation. She was expected, and even admitted it might have felt like a punishment in some cases.

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Sheri Johnson: and she felt this desire to chime in on the conversation

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Sheri Johnson: because she had actual experience as a child with this on this very topic.

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Sheri Johnson: but something told her that her own opinion wasn't going to be received. Well, so she stayed silent.

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Sheri Johnson: And what happens is you go home or leave the conversation, feeling

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Sheri Johnson: off for sure I'm going to come back to that in a second.

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Sheri Johnson: So the real issue here in most cases is is not actually the lack of parenting experience or the lack of experience with the topic.

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Sheri Johnson: But it's the underlying belief that you're not allowed to have an opinion because you don't have kids. And that's not just an opinion that we women without kids have. It's also

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Sheri Johnson: a belief that it's a belief that the parents have, and it doesn't really matter

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Sheri Johnson: who who carries the belief. It can keep you from fully participating in conversations or showing up in spaces where your voice actually matters.

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Sheri Johnson: I would say that my client's voice

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Sheri Johnson: in the conversation that she was in it mattered because she experienced that as a child who was expected to take care of her younger children.

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Sheri Johnson: So

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Sheri Johnson: so your voice does matter, and it's valid. And it's actually important, and might be more important to voice it than to not because you could bring a perspective that nobody in the conversation has, and that can change the outcome.

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Sheri Johnson: So

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Sheri Johnson: let's talk about how this this issue manifests in your everyday life. So some of the things that you might be feeling

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Sheri Johnson: invisible

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Sheri Johnson: at family or social gatherings where there's other parents around. This might be, you know a family dinner where your siblings have their kids, and

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Sheri Johnson: they don't necessarily share or invite you to share. An opinion might be a social event.

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Sheri Johnson: and and the moment that the conversation shifts to kids or parenting, you shrink back.

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Sheri Johnson: you become invisible. You feel like your thoughts aren't valid. So you remain silent, even though you might have a lot to offer.

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Sheri Johnson: And it does feel like you're invisible. Suddenly, people aren't looking at you anymore. They're looking at the other parents. So you're actually.

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Sheri Johnson: you actually do feel invisible.

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Sheri Johnson: And

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Sheri Johnson: you're probably not taking the initiative in those discussions. Maybe you want to add something to the conversation, whether it's a different perspective or a helpful suggestion. You hold back because you think you might not be taken seriously.

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Sheri Johnson: The other thing that this is something that I found myself doing when I did speak up.

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Sheri Johnson: you know, found the courage to actually say what? What I thought I would give a disclaimer.

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Sheri Johnson: I'd start with.

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Sheri Johnson: You know, I know I don't have kids, but

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Sheri Johnson: you know, and then I would share my opinion. I don't. I don't really have. I know I don't really have an a perspective, I don't really, you know, because I don't have kids.

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Sheri Johnson: Why was I apologizing for simply existing with a different perspective?

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Sheri Johnson: And then the other thing that might even come up. And I remember feeling this way at, especially in conversations about birth stories.

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Sheri Johnson: You might even feel guilty for not having children, or some sort of shame, as if

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Sheri Johnson: you're not allowed to comment on parenting because you've missed a piece of the experience. And then that

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Sheri Johnson: actually brings shame about the experience. Your experience as being a childless woman.

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Sheri Johnson: So that's something I definitely felt I sort of felt like, Oh, well, I'm I'm not a real. I'm not even a real woman.

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Sheri Johnson: because I've never carried a child to full term.

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Sheri Johnson: because I'm not doing what I was supposed to be doing as a woman in this world. All these sorts of things started to come up for me. This shame around the circumstances that I was in, that I still.

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Sheri Johnson: So there are some mistakes that I made, and that you might be making

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Sheri Johnson: that to try to kind of get through this or avoid this situation.

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Sheri Johnson: and one of those is what what I already talked about was was not speaking up

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Sheri Johnson: by staying silent. You're allowing the narrative that you don't belong in the conversation to control the situation, and

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Sheri Johnson: it's almost like perpetuating the the societal narrative that people who don't have kids don't belong in the conversation or don't get to contribute to it.

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Sheri Johnson: So that silence doesn't actually serve you. It didn't serve me, doesn't serve us. It just reinforces the idea

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Sheri Johnson: that I don't have that. We don't have anything important to contribute.

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Sheri Johnson: So that's the 1st mistake is actually staying is actually staying quiet.

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Sheri Johnson: Another mistake

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Sheri Johnson: is doing that thing that I did over apologizing or minimizing your input so over explaining or apologizing for your

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Sheri Johnson: opinion, minimizing your opinion that actually reinforces the idea that your voice is secondary.

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Sheri Johnson: So you're actually, it's almost like playing into their opinion

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Sheri Johnson: that your voice is not as important.

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Sheri Johnson: So we need to stop apologizing for sharing a perspective.

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Sheri Johnson: And then the 3rd thing is falling into the trap of external validation. So we will sometimes wait for the approval of others, or the validation that we need from others before speaking.

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Sheri Johnson: and what that means is that your worth, or you are making your worth or your value the value of your opinion.

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Sheri Johnson: you're tying it to what others think

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Sheri Johnson: not what you believe to be true.

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Sheri Johnson: and when you make these mistakes, any of them.

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Sheri Johnson: what happens is that you leave the conversation. So, circling back around to this, you leave the conversation

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Sheri Johnson: feeling like you feel like you feel small.

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Sheri Johnson: You feel like for me. I felt like it was. I was bursting at the seams like, I just wanted these ideas, or my opinion, or whatever it is, I had something to say, and it's like bursting out of me, and it feels like I stifled that

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Sheri Johnson: so it feels like I was trapped. It feels like like I was shut down.

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Sheri Johnson: and that's a really shitty feeling. To be honest, I'm sure you felt it before. If you're here listening to this, and you're still here, you've probably felt it before.

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Sheri Johnson: So let me shift your perspective even just a little bit more. Let's think about. Let's say you have a friend who has a 5 year old.

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Sheri Johnson: So that person's been a parent for 5 years of of a child.

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Sheri Johnson: So let's compare that.

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Sheri Johnson: Let's say you go into an auto mechanic's shop to get your car fixed, and there's a young

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Sheri Johnson: 25 year old, who went to school for auto mechanics, and who could fix your car?

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Sheri Johnson: And he or she

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Sheri Johnson: has a look at your car and gives an opinion on your car, gives you some sort of diagnosis, and then may carry on to fix your car.

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Sheri Johnson: and then you have a neighbor

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Sheri Johnson: who, you know, has I had a neighbor like this totally into cars

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Sheri Johnson: like, takes them apart, puts them back together.

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Sheri Johnson: You know his dad bought old cars.

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Sheri Johnson: you know. He knew something about Carters, he had, you know, grown up with him for 20 years, 30 years.

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Sheri Johnson: maybe even 40. And so

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Sheri Johnson: when you take apart cars and you put them back together, and you grow up in that kind of environment, you know, kind of just always cars are in your life.

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Sheri Johnson: Do you think your neighbor would have a valid opinion on the issue with your car?

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Sheri Johnson: Course he would, and in many cases we actually will go get a second opinion

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Sheri Johnson: on the car from a neighbor or from, you know, someone who we trust.

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Sheri Johnson: So, you know, coming back to your friend, who has a 5 year old, has 5 years experience.

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Sheri Johnson: One kid, that person's essentially worked with one car

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Sheri Johnson: has experience with one car and how one like, maybe it's just one like it's a Mercedes.

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Sheri Johnson: So that person knows that car

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Sheri Johnson: knows maybe the inner workings and could diagnose a problem within a Mercedes.

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Sheri Johnson: But what about the person who, you know, has 6 siblings, no kids of her own.

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Sheri Johnson: but has all this experience raising her younger siblings.

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Sheri Johnson: And maybe or maybe you know, if if this is you like, maybe you're a schoolteacher or

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Sheri Johnson: a Sunday school teacher, or used to Babysit all the time as a teenager.

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Sheri Johnson: or you know you have your own experience with your parents friend's parents. You do have years of experience. It just doesn't come with the credentials

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Sheri Johnson: so hopefully. That shifts your view on on you and your own

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Sheri Johnson: level of experience versus the parent.

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Sheri Johnson: Who is? Who's the one that's sort of disregarding your opinion.

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Sheri Johnson: So what can we actually do about this?

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Sheri Johnson: So I wanted to keep this episode fairly short. And this is something that, you know this is something that my client and I have been working on for a little bit.

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Sheri Johnson: It isn't kind of an overnight experience, but it's something that we that we talk about in and that we work on inside of the women of Worth. It's something that I call the confidence code.

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Sheri Johnson: And this is all about unlocking a deeper unapologetic level of confidence

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Sheri Johnson: specifically in these, like, you might have confidence in lots of areas of your life, your work, your career

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Sheri Johnson: here.

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Sheri Johnson: I don't know your passions, your hobbies. Maybe you play golf or tennis, or

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Sheri Johnson: you're a runner, whatever you have a level of confidence in those other things.

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Sheri Johnson: But you're lacking confidence in in sharing your opinion in this particular area.

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Sheri Johnson: So that's why I call it the confidence code, and it's all about unlocking that that deeper unapologetic level of confidence, so that you can finally start speaking up and claiming your space.

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Sheri Johnson: confidently participating in in these types of conversations.

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Sheri Johnson: And

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Sheri Johnson: the confidence code is actually more than just feeling confident. It's it's about showing up with the belief that you belong in every conversation, regardless of whether you have kids or not.

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Sheri Johnson: And when you start embracing this confidence, you're going to start to notice a shift.

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Sheri Johnson: not just within yourself, because you will. You'll start to feel, or you'll start. Stop feeling this need to apologize, or you'll stop dimming your light.

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Sheri Johnson: and you'll start taking your rightful place in these conversations and share your opinion without the fear of judgment. But you're also going to start noticing that the conversations around you change.

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Sheri Johnson: you know, because you're you're stopping that reinforcement, that your voice is secondary.

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Sheri Johnson: You stop that that reinforcement that

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Sheri Johnson: that women with children or people without children, sorry women without children, people without children

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Sheri Johnson: don't, shouldn't have a voice, or aren't as important, or or don't have a perspective.

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Sheri Johnson: When you stop reinforcing that other. The people around you also change so

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Sheri Johnson: you might be wondering how to actually do this.

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Sheri Johnson: to stop feeling invisible, like to it starts with like, let's stop feeling invisible and building up the courage to participate in the conversation and confidently relaying your opinion in a way that doesn't make you feel like you're shrinking.

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Sheri Johnson: So that obviously requires a process.

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Sheri Johnson: And that's the process that we teach inside of the women of worth.

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Sheri Johnson: And, by the way.

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Sheri Johnson: the price is going up on the women of Worth. This is a new module. That's our lesson section within the women of Worth

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Sheri Johnson: that program.

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Sheri Johnson: My signature program has received a major up level over the last couple of months, and I haven't raised the prices since 2023.

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Sheri Johnson: So this is your last chance to get in at a price that reflects

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Sheri Johnson: the the inauguration of this program when it has received a whole bunch of up leveling.

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Sheri Johnson: So that price is going up on April first.st So if you want in on that

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Sheri Johnson: on 2023 pricing.

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Sheri Johnson: Send me an email. My email address is in the show notes. It's sherry at Sherryjohnsonca. Sherry has one R and an I,

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Sheri Johnson: and that'll be in the show notes. So do that if you were wondering how to actually how to actually put this into place.

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Sheri Johnson: So let's just recap here for a second.

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Sheri Johnson: if you've ever felt invisible, or less than when it comes to conversations about parenting.

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Sheri Johnson: First, st I want you to know that you're not alone, because most of us, I think, feel this way. Even the women who

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Sheri Johnson: who chose not to have kids.

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Sheri Johnson: your voice matters, and you don't need to stay silent in order to fit in.

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Sheri Johnson: And it's you that can actually

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Sheri Johnson: make the change here. You don't have to wait or try to educate the people around you.

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Sheri Johnson: you can actually inspire change within yourself.

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Sheri Johnson: That's going to change the conversations and the people around you.

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Sheri Johnson: So again, if you want to know more about that

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Sheri Johnson: step into the women of Worth.

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Sheri Johnson: It's opening up next week for our April cohort, and you can get in early

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Sheri Johnson: at that 2023 pricing and get Vip access if you sign up now.

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Sheri Johnson: So check that out in the show notes and come back next week. We're going to be diving in more in this on future episodes.

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Sheri Johnson: and so come back and listen to next week's episode bye, for now