143: The Huge Cost of Being a "Good Girl" as a Childless Woman

What if I told you that being being a people pleaser might be the very thing holding you back from feeling free, worthy, and at peace in your own life?

This episode is for the high-achieving, childless woman who is tired of over-functioning, over-giving, and still never feeling like enough. If you find yourself wondering…

• “Am I being selfish?”
• “Do people think I have it too easy?”
• “Should I be doing more?”

…then you are going to resonate with this conversation.

Here's a big truth we unpack: People-pleasing isn’t kindness—it’s self-abandonment dressed up in likability.

In this potent and soul-shifting episode, you’ll uncover:

✅ The 7 sneaky signs you’re still trying to prove you’re “a good woman” (even without kids)
✅ Why you overcompensate to be seen as worthy
✅ How internalized patriarchy and pronatalism quietly shape your people-pleasing
✅ The real cost of performing instead of being
✅ Small but powerful steps to reclaim your time, your truth, and your peace

This is your permission slip to stop performing and start living.

If you’re often called “so nice,” but secretly feel invisible or exhausted—this one’s for you.

👉 Plus: We’re opening the FINAL round of Women of Worth™, the deep transformation experience for childless women ready to stop people-pleasing and start living for themselves. Only 10 spots. Once it’s full, it’s gone.

📩 Ready to apply? Email sheri@sherijohnson.ca with the subject line: “I’m ready for more.”

Where to find Sheri:
Instagram: @sherijohnsoncoaching
Website: sherijohnson.ca

Transcript

“What if I told you that being a ‘good girl’, being nice, being the people pleaser might be the very thing holding you back from feeling free, worthy, and at peace in your own life?”

• This episode is for the woman who feels like she’s constantly over-functioning—but still doesn’t feel like she’s enough.  80% of my clients complain of being too busy and 10 years ago, I did too – mostly at work.  So many of them say, “as soon as I get through this busy phase at work”  and the busy phase never ends. 
• This episode is also for you if you find yourelf wondering: “Am I doing enough? Am I valuable enough? Do people think I’m selfish?”
• Let’s talk about the hidden rules you may be living by—and how to finally break them.

 Signs You Might Be Caught in the Good Girl Trap:

•   You say yes when you’re exhausted or resentful… because you don’t want to disappoint anyone. I used to do this at work all the time.  My boss or one of my clients would ask me to do something and even though my plate was full, I’d always say yes and then resent all the extra hours I was working 
• You fear being judged as difficult, demanding, or selfish—especially as a woman without kids.  When it came to family get togethers or with my friends – I would always be the one to accommodate when and where they wanted to gather.  I was too afraid to say what I wanted or needed.
• You over-apologize, over-explain, or over-function in relationships and at work.
• You feel more comfortable being helpful than being seen.
• You often take on the emotional labor of others—so they won’t feel discomfort.  One of my clients recently said to me, “I’m tired of being nice”.  Listening to all the woes of my friends and their kids and grandkids.  
• You constantly worry about how you’re being perceived.
• You rarely express anger or take up space with your real needs.

“People-pleasing isn’t kindness—it’s self-abandonment dressed up in likability.”

If your sense of worth comes from what others think of you or how useful you are to them, the good girl or the people pleaser in you is still running the show. That is what people pleasing is – deriving your value from what you do for others, how accommodating you are, how attentive you listen even when you don’t have the emotional capacity.  Let’s go a bit deeper on this.

2. Mistakes Childless Women Make to ‘Prove’ Their Worth, to prove they are also selfless

Reframed as overcompensation + unconscious performance to still be ‘a good woman’ in the eyes of patriarchy.

These aren’t character flaws—they are survival strategies in a world that told you motherhood was the highest form of womanhood. But they are costly.

Mistake #1: Becoming hyper-available to everyone else.

• Over-volunteering, over-extending, saying yes to every family event, being “on call” emotionally for others.
• Subconscious belief: If I’m not a mom, I have to show I’m nurturing and generous in other ways.

Mistake #2: Becoming the Emotional Sherpa.

• You carry other people’s burdens, rarely express your own.  One of my clients said recently, “I don’t want to bring the party down”  I don’t want to rain on the parade.
• You become the “safe space” for everyone—because being needed proves you’re worthy.

Mistake #3: Over-functioning at Work.

• Taking on extra projects, never setting boundaries, afraid of being seen as selfish or “too free” without kids.
• You internalize guilt and pressure to “make up for” not having children.

Mistake #4: Avoiding Conflict at All Costs.

• You fear being misunderstood or disliked, especially if your childlessness is already “different.”
• So you avoid hard conversations, stay agreeable, keep the peace—even when you’re dying inside.

Mistake #5: Proving You’re ‘Not Selfish.’

• You show up, smile, overdeliver, even when your tank is empty—because someone once called a childfree woman selfish, and you never want that label.

 Connect to larger forces:

These aren’t just personal behaviors—they are internalized patriarchy and pronatalism at work. You've been taught that to be a “good woman” you must be selfless. And if you’re childless? You better work overtime to prove you’re still good.

3. The Real Cost of This Pattern (13:00–18:00)

Bring it down to earth and make it real.

•  Chronic burnout, emotional fatigue.
•  Disconnection from your own desires, needs, and joy.
•  Resentment masked as helpfulness.
•  Delayed healing—because you’re busy managing others’ feelings instead of feeling your own.
•  A warped sense of identity: you’re always doing for others but unsure who you are when you’re not.

“The cost of being ‘good’ is your authenticity. The cost of being ‘selfless’ is self-trust.”

Let her feel that. Let her start to see herself in these consequences.

4. It’s Not Your Fault—But It Is Your Time 

Reframe with compassion and power:

• You were conditioned to be this way. By family, religion, culture, media, and even well-meaning people around you.
• These beliefs are not your truth—but they’ve been driving you.
• Once you name them, you can reclaim yourself.

Encourage self-inquiry:

“Where in your life are you still trying to prove you’re good enough to belong?”

5. Your Next Step (21:00–25:00)

• Start small – reclaiming your worth instead of people pleasing and being the nice girl is a practice, like a muscle that you can build but you don’t start with the 50 lb weights.   You start with the 5’s.
  • Say no without over-explaining.
  • Let someone down gently—and watch the world not end.
  • Choose rest instead of responsibility.
  • Take up space with your truth, not just your service.
• Inside the Women of Worth™, we pull this pattern up by the roots. We go beyond awareness into actual transformation—so you can stop people pleasing and start living your own version of an amazing life, even without kids. 
• We are starting our very last cohort of the women of worth in May. I only have 10 spots for this last offer and then we’ll be closing down the program.  And BTW, this is not just a community or a support group, it’s a guided transformation.  You will become a new version of yourself – a  version of you that can love her life again, even without kids.  If you want that, email me now to apply for a spot. sheri@sherijohnson.ca.
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